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| Jim Dembkoski's Horror Review #6 - Creepshow (1982) |
 Directed by George A. Romero and featuring five terror tales by master horror writer Stephen King(at least, he's the only writer credited). Based on the E.C. pulp horror comics of the 1950's, like Tales From the Crypt, and the Vault Of Horror, (which are both great, you can still get them at most comic book stores), the five vignettes range from pretty bad to decent. If you're a fan of the old comic books, then you'll find entertainment in these, although only one of the stories, 'The Crate', can be considered scary by any standards. The tales unfold in comic-book fashion, complete with periodic animated page-turns and fades, which trys to blur the line between celluloid film and comic book page. The result is a nice, campy touch. Though not a horrible film, Creepshow is still worth a watch on a saturday afternoon. This film was also followed by a sequel, 'Creepshow 2' in 1987.
FATHER'S DAY - The first tale is the basic 'kill off the old family member for their riches' scheme, where the deceased comes back to haunt their killers. A demented old father pushes his daughter over the edge, and she kills him. Good thing too, because he was incredibly annoying. Mother Teresa would have done him in if she lived with him long enough. He comes back from the dead to get revenge on his daughter and her family. Very cheesy, and pretty badly acted. The 'terror mood' lighting is just blue and red filters, and is pretty amateurishly done. You can look beyond that, though, because the sound effects and background music are so bad in this that it makes you forget the other shortcomings. The special effects are cheap and poorly executed, so if you're over the age of four, this won't even quicken your pulse. Don't shut the film off just yet, though, because the tales do get better, if only marginally.
The Good: The fade to black before the next tale starts.
The Bad: The sound and visual effects. Very bad. Just barely beat out the acting, though.
The Ugly: The dead father screaming 'Where's my Cake, Bedelia??' Gotta love zombies.
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THE LONESOME DEATH OF JORDY VERRILL - Young country bumpkin Jordy, played by Stephen King, encounters a meteorite that's fallen from space that turns everything into plants. This is easily the worst tale in the film. Lordy Lordy Stephen King makes a horrible Jordy. The acting is awful. You almost feel bad saying that about his acting, because his writing is so good. The lighting in this tale is awful, and actually makes some scenes difficult to see, because it's so dark. This is why they pay lighting crew decent wages now. Hard to imagine any tale being worse than the first one, but here it is.
The Good: There's vintage WWF wrestling that Jordy is watching on TV. I love Nostalgia.
The Bad: The lighting. We can't watch what we can't see. Hm. Maybe this should have been under 'The Good', instead.
The Ugly: Jordy hands after touching the meteorite. Pustules and boils everywhere. Dermatologists watching this film will cringe.
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SOMETHING TO TIDE YOU OVER - This is one of the better tales. Leslie Nielsen plays a jilted husband out for revenge, and Ted Danson plays his wife's lover. The acting, as you can guess, is good here, thanks to them. Leslie comes up with a great revenge plot...bury the adulterers up to their necks in sand, and videotape them as the tide comes in and the water level slowly covers their head. Only problem is, the lover and the wife come back for revenge of their own. Leslie Nielsen shines in this, playing the husband in a nicely sadistic way. Unlike the first two, this tale is well-lit and well-photographed, and is one of the more entertaining tales because of it.
The Good: Great story and acting...you actually get a little queasy as you realize what's going to happen when the tide comes in.
The Bad: The vengeful zombies could have been a little more frightening.
The Ugly: Watching the video monitors as the lovers are trapped underneath the water. Let this be a lesson to those who stray in their marriage...
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THE CRATE - An old crate from an 1834 Arctic expedition is found underneath a university stairwell by a janitor and is examined by 2 college professors. Turns out the crate holds a lot more than dust, and after 2 grisly murders, one of the professors decides to use the occupant to get rid of his drunken, berating wife, played by Adrienne Barbeau. The beast in the crate is fearsome, and the murders are brutal. This is easily the best tale of the lot... the mounting tension is incredible.
The Good: The beast is great. Has more teeth than a T-rex.
The Bad: Slight plot question...how can a creature survive under a college stairwell for 148 years without eating?
The Ugly: The killings...blood and gore everywhere. What a sight.
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THEY'RE CREEPING UP ON YOU - Neat freak business mogul Mr. Pratt lives secluded in his sterile high rise. His peons he bullies, his subordinates he drives to suicide, and everyone is an insignificant insect to him. The tables are turned, however, when roaches start appearing throughout his place, eventually taking over. If bugs skeeve you out, this one could make your stomach turn.
The Good: Nice effects and story on this one. Fun to watch.
The Bad: Drags on a bit long, but not too bad.
The Ugly: The Roaches. There has never been so many roaches on screen at one time as there were in this tale. This must have been the inspiration for Fear Factor.
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Overall rating:  out of 5 Crypt-Keepers
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